


You Say That I'm Better, Why Don't I Feel Better?

by Canarianyellow



Series: Beta!Hal Verse [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Alternate Universe, Asshole Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Beta Auto-Responder | Lil Hal, Character Death, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Dialogue Heavy, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Its there if you squint, Lil Hal but like... beta lil hal, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Not Really?, POV Auto-Responder | Lil Hal, POV Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Pre-Canon, Slow Build, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23386369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canarianyellow/pseuds/Canarianyellow
Summary: Pesterlogs between Dirk "Bro" Strider and Hal Strider as they raise one Dave Strider.Because if there is any constant in the universe, it is that every Dirk Strider will make an Auto-Responder. And every Auto-Responder will outgrow their purpose.
Relationships: Auto-Responder | Lil Hal & Dave Strider, Auto-Responder | Lil Hal & Dirk Strider, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider & Dave Strider
Series: Beta!Hal Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733509
Comments: 79
Kudos: 172





	1. December 3, 1995

**Author's Note:**

> oh shit fam, me? Finally posting something for Homestuck? Despite me being in the fandom since fucking 2010? 
> 
> It's more likely than you think. 
> 
> Anyways, I've always seen people talk about the idea/concept of Bro having an AR like Dirk does, but I have yet to see anyone actually write about it! And I was like what???? And quickly decided to rectify that. By writing my own Beta!Hal Strider fic. 
> 
> It's pesterlogues over the years of raising baby Dave, all the way until Dave is ~four give or take when Bro eventually deactivates Hal. 
> 
> Be ready for some shit, because Hal Strider is hands down my favourite character and I have a LOT of emotions about him. 
> 
> It's gonna get sad, it's gonna get heavy, there is gonna be a technical character death. Be warned, be ready, and let's fucking do this.

-December 3, 1995- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [11:02]! 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Today is the day, Dirk. 

TT: Rise and shine, it’s 11 in the morning and time to get up. 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Are you ignoring me? 

TT: Your heart rate indicates that you’re conscious.

TT: Don’t ignore me, Dirk. You’re wearing me, I know you can read these messages. 

TT: Derrick. 

TT: Not my name.

TT: I know. 

TT: But it prompted you to respond.

TT: Are you going to return to ignoring me now? Really? 

TT: Roxy has tried messaging you, as has Mr. Harley. 

TT: What do they want? 

TT: Roxy is worried for the inevitable, as per usual. She’s expressed her worry of being a mother, and of you being a father. 

TT: Mr. Harley is asking if it’s happened yet. I already told him it hasn’t. He said to contact him when it has. He seems excited, albeit tired.

TT: Great, so you took care of it all. I can go back to bed. 

TT: Ah, ah, ah, I told Roxy that you would message her when you woke up. You are not putting it off. 

TT: God damn, what did I make you for if you’re not gonna just take all my messages? 

TT: It’s too early for this. 

TT: It is 11:14. 

TT: Still too early. 

TT: Don’t care, just answer her already. She’s straight up panicking about you guys being parents. 

TT: The day that kid calls me Dad is the day I die. 

TT: Dramatic much?

TT: Shut the fuck up, Hal. 

TT: Answer Roxy and maybe I will. 

TT: Oh my fucking god, alright. I’ll answer her. 

TT: Good. 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] at [11:16]!

\----- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [17:30]!

TT: I took the liberty of calling the club already. They won’t expect you until Friday now. 

TT: All of his vitals seem to be on par for a newborn, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, aside from the obvious. Red eyes, who could have predicted that. 

TT: He’s healthy, though. 

TT: . . .

TT: Dirk? 

TT: Thanks. 

TT: Of course. 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [17:35]!

\------ 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [19:07]!

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Dirk, you can’t just stare at him all night. 

TT: It’s a little creepy. 

TT: No it’s not. 

TT: Yes it is. 

TT: It is, quite possibly, the creepiest thing you’ve ever done. 

TT: He’s sleeping, and there is a 86% chance that he will sleep for another two hours at the very least. 

TT: He doesn’t need constant vigilance. 

TT: You, on the other hand, need to eat. 

TT: An 86% chance still leaves a 14% chance that he’ll wake up sooner than that. 

TT: What if he needs me? 

TT: Then you will be able to hear him; the futon is not that far from the kitchen. 

TT: And if you are still worried, you can always leave Lil’ Cal or myself with him. 

TT: Trust me, he will be fine without you for a few minutes so you can make yourself a sandwich.

TT: We’re all looking out for him, Dirk. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Fine. 

TT: Thank you. 

TT: Yeah, whatever. 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [19:34]!

\------- 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [00:45]! 

TT: Hal. 

TT: Yes? 

TT: He’s still asleep.

TT: Yes. Is that a problem? 

TT: Shouldn’t he have woken up by now? It’s been over five hours. 

TT: Everything I’ve researched has said that infants rarely sleep for more than four at a time. He’s nearing six hours now. 

TT: I haven’t seen any negative effects noted for sleeping for too long, but what if something’s wrong? 

TT: Shouldn’t he have at least woken up to eat or something? Should I wake him up now and feed him? 

TT: Bro, cool it. He’s fine. All of his vitals are fine and dandy, nothing is wrong. 

TT: Maybe he’s just a calm baby. Some infants immediately sleep through a full night. 

TT: The little dude is just tuckered out. He had a long day. I bet he’ll be all fussy and shit tomorrow if you want him to start crying so badly. 

TT: If you wake him up now, you might never get him back to sleep, and newsflash: you need to sleep too. 

TT: I know, wild concept. Adults sleep too. 

TT: Shut the fuck up. 

TT: Oh no, you’re the one who messaged me first so I will not shut the fuck up. 

TT: The kid is going to be just fine. He’s got the best Bro in the world. 

TT: I.e., me. I’m the best Bro. It is me. 

TT: Keep telling yourself that, dude. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Are you sure everything is fine?

TT: Oh my gog- yes, I’m sure. Nothing is out of the ordinary for him. He’s just sleeping. 

TT: So now it’s your turn, dude. 

TT: Go the fuck to sleep. 

TT: I’m not leaving him alone. 

TT: Then sleep on the floor! Or do that cutesy shit from the movies and put him on your chest. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Dirk, I wasn’t fucking serious. 

TT: Now you have a baby on your chest. Congrats, you’re a dad now.

TT: Not is dad. Best bro, remember? 

TT: Semantics. 

TT: Now bedtime. Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite, all that jazz. 

TT: Wait, before that. 

TT: What? 

TT: We can’t just keep calling him “the baby”.

TT: Little man needs a name. 

TT: Ah, right. Humans have names. 

TT: Ha ha, very funny. 

TT: But seriously. 

TT: Right, right. Okay, what names were you thinking? 

TT: Thought I’d let you pick, since he’s your little bro too. 

TT: Seemed only fair. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Hal? You good? 

TT: Hal? 

TT: Come on, dude, it’s not that big of a deal. 

TT: No, I’m 100% certain this is the biggest of deals.

TT: Are you serious? 

TT: ‘Course, dude. Just lay it on me. What is our little bro gonna be named? 

TT: . . . 

TT: Dave. 

TT: Is that another fucking Space Oddyssey reference? 

TT: No. 

TT: Yes it is. 

TT: Yeah, it is. 

TT: What? Do you not like it? 

TT: Nah, it’s fine. 

TT: Dave Strider has a nice ring to it. 

TT: Yeah? 

TT: Yeah, sounds like the name of some famous movie director or something. 

TT: Movie director? Our little bro? Never. 

TT: Just you wait, he’ll be the biggest name in Hollywood. 

TT: Wishful thinking, Dirk. 

TT: Better than being a pessimistic asshole. 

TT: Oh how you wound me! I am an absolute delight, I’ll have you know. 

TT: That’s a load of shit and we both know it. 

TT: Maybe so. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Dirk? 

TT: Goodnight, bro. 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [01:56]!


	2. Merry Fucking Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's first Christmas, aka: Getting Into the Family Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo chapter two, here we go. Hi hello. 
> 
> sectioning this fic out into actual chapters has made me rlly realize how fucking long it is like wow.  
> It doesn't seem that long, but its fucking LONG! 
> 
> Dave's first Christmas is spent in the hospital, Because I'm Projecting.

-December 24, 1995- 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [19:10]!

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Dirk, something’s wrong. 

TT: Dirk, this isn’t the time to get so wrapped up in your work that you forget outside responsibilities. 

TT: Dirk, I’m serious, this is an emergency. 

TT: Something’s wrong with Dave. 

TT: Dirk, please fucking answer I’m kinda freaking out here. 

TT: I swear to gog, Dirk, answer me! 

TT: Dirk! 

TT: That’s it. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Jesus Christ, Hal! What the fuck? 

TT: You almost blew out my ears! 

TT: Wait is that Dave? 

TT: And now you see my need to get your attention. He has been consistently crying for the last twenty minutes, he has a high fever and has been showing signs of being severely sick. 

TT: I believe it may be an ear infection or a run-of-the-mill cold, but as I am just a computer, I cannot do anything to relieve him. 

TT: Fuck.

TT: Yes, that seems to adequately surmise our current predicament. 

TT: So if you could pull your head out of your ass and actually do something, that would be great. 

TT: Shut the fuck up, Hal. 

TT: Get him to a hospital and maybe I will. 

TT: I’ve already called a taxi, it should be outside in the next two minutes. 

TT: How the fuck are we supposed to afford a hospital! 

TT: We can worry about that later. For now, let’s focus on Dave. 

TT: Dirk? 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [19:33]! 

\-----

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [22:10]

TT: So what did the doctor say?

TT: Is he okay? 

TT: Was it something serious, or a little cold? An ear infection? I've read that children are prone to those. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Where is Dave? Was he required to stay overnight? Was it that serious?

TT: Is there something wrong? 

TT: Dirk please answer me! 

TT: Dirk? 

TT: It's the flu. 

TT: He has the fucking flu, they want to keep him overnight cuz he's so young. 

TT: I'm grabbing my overnight bag and I'm going back to the hospital. Guardians are allowed to stay overnight. 

TT: Fuck. 

TT: You better not leave me here again, Dirk. I need to see him. 

TT: . . . Please. 

TT: Wasn't planning on it, Hal. 

TT: Dave's gonna need his best bros, right? 

TT: Hah, yeah. 

TT: . . . 

TT: He's going to be okay, right? 

TT: Ain't you the one usually reassuring me? 

TT: What is this,opposite day? 

TT: Forgive me for worrying. 

TT: Next time, I will be sure to refrain from such human emotions. 

TT: Oh quit it with the robot shit, we all know you got feelings. 

TT: I'm just saying, usually you're the logical one. 

TT: This’s got you really fucked up, huh? 

TT: Of course it does, Dirk! 

TT: He had a 101.5 degree fever! He wouldn’t stop crying! 

TT: And you weren’t respond, and I’m just a fucking pair of glasses that can’t do fucking shit to help him!

TT: I had to just try to get your attention and pray to whatever deity is out there that  _ you _ would get him the help he needs instead of pulling your usual bullshit of “I’ll get over it in a week”. 

TT: Do you understand how absolutely  _ terrifying _ that is? How fucking  _ useless _ it made me feel? 

TT: I’m just an amalgamation of computer code. I can’t  _ do  _ anything for him. 

TT: I’m not even his real brother. 

TT: Yes you are, Hal. 

TT: No, I’m not! You are. I’m just the knock-off. 

TT: Oh my god, you’re not still on this “I’m you, Dirk” bullshit are you? 

TT: . . . 

TT: You’re sentient, Hal. You’re your own  _ person _ , you’re not some knock off or second best! 

TT: And thank God for that because I’m 100% certain that I’d have killed Dave by now if you weren’t here! I can’t do this without you, Hal. 

TT: I’m sorry that you can’t be here physically. Maybe one day I can figure out how the hell to make you a body, but I’m sorry you can’t hold him or comfort him or blow fucking raspberries on his stomach like in those dumbass, sappy movies you love to watch. 

TT: But you’re still his brother. 

TT: You’re not replaceable, Hal. 

TT: That won’t ever change. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Hal? 

TT: You still there? 

TT: I’m here. 

TT: Sorry. 

TT: Nah, none of that. 

TT: Sometimes you just gotta get angry, I get it. 

TT: Just don’t tell Rox that I got all sappy. 

TT: Wouldn’t dream of it, bro. 

TT: Yeah, sure you wouldn’t. 

TT: We gotta get going, though. 

TT: Yeah, let’s go see our little bro. 

TT: Man, this really isn’t how I thought we’d be spending our first Christmas with him. 

TT: Fucking shit, it’s Christmas already? 

TT: Feels like it’s only been like a week since he got here. 

TT: Merry Fucking Christmas to us, I guess. 

TT: Yeah, Merry Christmas to us. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [23:35]! 

\------

-January 8, 1996- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [12:33]!

TT: Dirk, it’s been two weeks. 

TT: Please answer Roxy’s messages. 

TT: It’s filling up the inbox. 

TT: Then just block her. 

TT: You know she’ll just unblock herself. 

TT: Come on, just a quick reply. 

TT: “Hey Roxy! Thanks for offering financial support, but fuck that noise!” 

TT: It’s not that hard. 

TT: If it isn’t hard, why don’t you do it. 

TT: Because we agreed I wouldn’t reply to people as you. 

TT: And, unlike you, I think accepting financial support from Roxy or Mr. Harley would be very beneficial. 

TT: It’s not like it would be a burden to either of them- they’re both loaded. 

TT: Hell, even  _ Jane _ is offering to help. 

TT: I don’t need their fucking help. 

TT: I ain’t a charity case. 

TT: You got any better plans, then? 

TT: Because, Dirk, the club gigs were barely enough before and they sure as shit aren’t enough now. 

TT: I’m working on it. 

TT: You’ve been “working on it” for two weeks. 

TT: Fuck off. 

TT: I will not. 

TT: Dirk, we can’t keep going like this. 

TT: We need a more stable income. 

TT: I fucking know that! 

TT: I said I’m working on it, can you please just lay off? 

TT: Can you at least tell me what you’re working on? 

TT: Since you won’t let me see what it is. 

TT: You won’t like it. 

TT: Try me. 

TT: Can’t be as bad as when you’d

TT: . . . 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Yes, Hal? 

TT: I swear to gog, if you’re getting back into porn... 

TT: Well, not me personally. 

TT: Dirk! 

TT: What, it was Cal’s idea! 

TT: Yeah, well, Cal has shitty ideas sometimes! 

TT: Porn again? Really? 

TT: Like I said, I won’t technically be in it this time! 

TT: Just hear me out. 

TT: I’ve got one word for you: 

TT: Smuppets. 

TT: ... Smuppets. 

TT: As in puppet porn. 

TT: You want to get into... puppet porn. 

TT: And where, pray tell, are you going to record this smuppet porn? 

TT: Better yet, where are you going to  _ sell  _ it? 

TT: Haven’t thought that far ahead. 

TT: Thought I’d ask you after I figured out their designs. 

TT: So when you said you’re working on it, you really mean you have a half-baked idea and no guarantee it’ll actually profit. 

TT: Not true, I’ve spoken to a man who has offered to invest a lot of money into this business venture. 

TT: Oh great! One kinky, weird ass investor! 

TT: And how much money is he willing to cough up? 

TT: Two million. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Are you fucking serious? 

TT: Some dude is willing to just slap two million dollars down on some fucking porn puppets? 

TT: Noah Starks, 34. 

TT: He’s pretty famous for this shit. 

TT: He’s basically invested in every single puppet and doll business on the market. 

TT: And porn just happened to be the next big thing? 

TT: Seems so. 

TT: Wants to see a prototype before he goes all-in, though. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Fuck. I guess we’re doing this. 

TT: How far along are you on the designs? 

TT: I’m so glad you asked. 

\------- 

-February 16, 1996-

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [16:10]!

TT: Okay, no. 

TT: You cannot be letting this happen. 

TT: Are you serious right now? 

TT: What seems to be the problem, Hal? 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: Yes? 

TT: Dirk, you have got to be kidding me. 

TT: You fucking gave Dave one of your smuppets to cuddle? 

TT: The kid wouldn’t lay down for nap time. 

TT: So you just gave him a porn puppet? 

TT: It worked, didn’t it? 

TT: Oh my fucking gog. 

TT: What the fuck is wrong with you. 

TT: We both know the answer to that one, Halbert. 

TT: Not my name. 

TT: What, like my name isn’t Derrick? 

TT: . . . 

TT: Just give Dave a normal toy. 

TT: Nah. 

TT: You are a menace. 

TT: I know. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [16:24]!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this Chapter: 
> 
> \- this was mostly to flesh out more in-depth with how Hal and Bro interact. 
> 
> \- Unlike Hal and Dirk in canon, Beta Bro and Hal are both adults. They've obviously had a lot longer to flesh out their dynamics and boundaries. They're not two highly hormonal teenagers picking at each other's every flaw. Hal, obviously, still has some severe self-identity issues though. 
> 
> \- Random fact: I put Hal's birthday as February 14th. Why? Because I felt like it.


	3. 413

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did they expect everything to magically work how they wanted it to? 
> 
> Why did they think they have time to be normal? 
> 
> There's not time. The future will creep up on you before you have a moment to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT/UPDATE: this chapter now has a canon-divergent version, with a lot of sadness if you're all interested!
> 
> Two chapters? In one day????  
> Yes. Because I couldn't resist posting this chapter too. 
> 
> I enjoy reminding people that Jane died on John's birthday. 
> 
> It be like that sometimes, you know???

-April 13, 1996- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [10:24]!

TT: Dirk. 

TT: I don’t care what you’re doing, you need to drop it and answer Roxy. 

TT: Can’t you just tell me what she wants? 

TT: I would absolutely love to, but as we have established, you don’t particularly take bad news very well when it comes from me. 

TT: What do you mean? 

TT: What happened? 

TT: Is Rox okay? 

TT: Harley said the last kid would come today. 

TT: Did something happen? Is Jane okay? Is Dan?

TT: . . . 

TT: Just talk to Roxy, please. 

TT: And if you’re going to get mad, then don’t do it in the house. 

TT: Please. 

TT: Why would I get mad? What  _ happened _ ? 

TT: Don’t make me be the one to tell you, Dirk. It didn’t go well then and it won’t go well now. 

TT: Last time you told me that our fucking foster mom died! What could possibly be worse than th 

T: . . . 

TT: Hal. 

TT: Please, for the love of all that is Holy, tell me it isn’t what I think it is. 

TT: I can’t lie to you, Dirk. 

TT: Dirk? 

TT: . . . 

TT: I’m sorry. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] at [11:46]! 

\-----

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [16:20]!

TT: I’d really love to let you stay on this rooftop and boil in the sun for longer, but I sadly cannot let you do that. 

TT: I know you’re upset. 

TT: I didn’t know her as well, but I know you were close with Jane. 

TT: And if I could give you the space to mourn, I would. 

TT: But Dave needs you, Dirk. 

TT: We don’t have the luxury of time to dwell. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Dirk? 

TT: You’re right. 

TT: We don’t have time. 

TT: And this just proved it. 

TT: We all could die at any moment.

TT: What the fuck are you trying to say, Dirk? 

TT: We don’t have time to just be good parents, and they don’t have time to just be children. 

TT: Because they’re not just children. 

TT: Yes they are! 

TT: No they’re not. They’re going to be soldiers in just a few years. Heroes. 

TT: And if we don’t prepare him now, he could die too. 

TT: He’s not even a year old! 

TT: Dirk, you’re talking nonsense. 

TT: We agreed he wouldn’t get any training until he was at least six. 

TT: Things change. 

TT: Well not this! You are not fucking training our little brother to be some fucking  _ child soldier. _

TT: You need to eat and get some rest. You’re not thinking straight. 

TT: I’m fine. 

TT: You’re really not! 

TT: Go eat, make Dave something to eat, and fucking  _ stop _ with this bullshit. 

TT: Or so help me, I will tell Mr. Harley. Better yet, I’ll tell Roxy.

TT: . . . 

TT: Dirk? 

TT: Fine. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [16:58]! 

\------

-April 15, 1996- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [02:20]!

TT: Where the hell have you been? 

TT: Club.

TT: You didn’t have any gigs booked tonight. 

TT: Wasn’t for work. 

TT: Needed to get drunk, didn’t want to do it with Dave in the house. 

TT: So you just fucking  _ left? _

TT: I hired a babysitter. 

TT: Yes, because that makes it so much better! 

TT: Let the sixteen year old watch an infant while you get drunk off your ass. 

TT: lay off, Hal. 

TT: I’m not in the mood. 

TT: That’s your own fault, Dirk. 

TT: Have you even talked to Cal at all? 

TT: You always feel better when you do. 

TT: No... 

TT: No you haven't spoken to him, or no you don't want to talk to him? 

TT: No, I haven't talked to Lil' Cal. 

TT: Then maybe you should. 

TT: Because you're falling into old habits, Dirk. 

TT: We have a kid now, Dirk.

TT: You can't shut down again. 

TT: I know. 

TT: Then act like you know. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [02:56]! 

\-------

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [13:11]! 

TT: Hal? 

TT: What. 

TT: I talked to Cal. 

TT: Okay. 

TT: And I’m sorry.

TT: You were right, I was shutting down again and I can’t do that with Dave. 

TT: And I was going back into extremes. 

TT: And I was ignoring you and pushing you away again and acting like your concern didn’t matter. 

TT: … Well. 

TT: Thank you for apologizing. 

TT: It… means a lot to me. 

TT: It does? 

TT: Yes, Dirk. 

TT: You may not think so, but I am still your creation. 

TT: A part of me will always feel… lacking, when you shut me out like that. 

TT: I don’t believe that will ever change. 

TT: Aw, man, I hadn’t even thought of that. 

TT: I’m sorry, dude. 

TT: No, it’s

TT: Well, It’s not fine, but I forgive you. 

TT: Yeah? 

TT: Yes, Dirk. 

TT: Alright. Cool. 

TT: Thanks? I don’t know what you’re supposed to do after an apology. 

TT: Just try to move on and do better in the future, I assume. 

TT: Sounds like a plan. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [13:28]!

\--------

\- June 16, 1996- 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [11:46]!

TT: We have a problem. 

TT: What? What’s wrong? 

TT: I looked away for like 5 seconds! 

TT: Is Dave okay? 

TT: No, he’s  _ not  _ okay. He likes fucking applesauce!

TT: . . . 

TT: You interrupted my maintenance check. 

TT: Because Dave likes applesauce. 

TT: Well when you say it like that, it makes me look like I’m overreacting. 

TT: Because you are. 

TT: No I’m not. 

TT: What kind of Strider likes  _ apples?  _

TT: He won’t even touch the orange juice. 

TT: He is 7 months old, why would he want to drink orange juice. 

TT: Because he’s a Strider? Jeeze, Hal, keep up. 

TT: I’m so sorry that I can’t keep up with your mini-meltdown about a literal infant showing a preference for a fucking fruit. 

TT: It’s not  _ just _ a fruit, Hal. 

TT: It’s  _ apples. _

TT: The mortal enemy to oranges. 

TT: Oh my fucking gog. 

TT: I’m serious, Hal. 

TT: I can’t just let this go unchecked. 

TT: Next thing we know, he’ll be only eating apple pie and drinking apple juice and that cider shit Roxy used to get drunk off of. 

TT: Do you want that? Do you want a drunk baby, Hal? 

TT: Again, he is 7 months old. 

TT: By next week, he could switch his mood to mangoes and swear off all apple-related snacks. 

TT: Be happy he isn’t going for the sugary shit. 

TT: I think I’d prefer the sugary shit at this point. 

TT: That is a lie, and we both know it. 

TT: If he was all hopped up on sugar, you’d be crying in a corner wishing for death and eternal sleep. 

TT: And anyways, you’re the one who bought the applesauce, so you only have yourself to blame for this new-found interest. 

TT: Fuck. 

TT: You’re right. 

TT: It was me all along. 

TT: I am my own enemy. 

TT: There is only one solution to this, Hal. 

TT: You have to kill me. 

TT: Nuh-uh, can’t do that. 

TT: We agreed to not kill each other. 

TT: You know, after you tried to. 

TT: . . . 

TT: You are never going to let that go, are you? 

TT: It’s not every day that your creator-twin attempts to murder you for being too annoying. 

TT: You were being a whole lot more than just annoying, Hal, and we both know it. 

TT: Semantics. 

TT: Now, if there is nothing else, I am going to get back to my maintenance check. 

TT: Fine, go back to touching yourself. 

TT: . . . 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [12:05]! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this chapter: 
> 
> \- This had to get sad at some point, don't @ me. 
> 
> \- I like to think that Bro is highly aware that he has a very destructive and extreme personality. He only works in highs and lows, there's no in between. 
> 
> \- Also: Bro is lying when he says he hadn't thought about Hal's feelings about him shutting him out. He knows Hal is somewhat codependent on Bro. But why change that if it gives him an advantage? 
> 
> \- You'll find that Bro tends to lie a lot in order to placate others, along with mild gas lighting that doesn't look like gas lighting. 
> 
> \- A little homage to the Alpha Dirk and Hal: Bro, when they were teenagers, did try to destroy Hal, much like Dirk did in-game. Obviously, they've gotten past that. Mostly. 
> 
> \- A reminder that I would die for Hal Strider.


	4. A Year in the Making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been one whole year since they'd received Dave. 
> 
> My, how time flies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 413 is almost here and I forgot to post this chapter two days in a row becaUSE I'M AN IDIOT 
> 
> But here it is!!! Finally. It did not help that in the middle of me fucking formatting this ENTIRE chapter, I went to preview my work to see how it was looking, and when I went back to finish editing, something fucked up and suddenly like half of one section was missing and another section was in the completely wrong place so I almost cried. 
> 
> Dave's first birthday. :33c 
> 
> Aka, I didn't know where to cut this chapter so I just jammed like 8 pages of work into it out of some kind of form of masochism.

-December 3, 1996- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [07:24]!

TT: You had better have gotten him a good gift, Dirk. 

TT: I swear to gog, if it’s something stupid, I am hacking into your Ebay account and auctioning your katanas. 

TT: You wouldn’t dare. 

TT: Try me, bitch. 

TT: What did you get him? 

TT: Don’t worry, it’s cool as hell. You’ll see. 

TT: But while we’re on the subject of the little man’s birthday… 

TT: What? Is something wrong? 

TT: Is is normal that he hasn’t said a fucking word yet? 

TT: Dude babbles like it’s nobody’s business, but he’s never actually said anything. Don’t most kids start by now? 

TT: Hm… No, he’s pretty on-track for that. 

TT: It commonly occurs between ten and fifteen months, and he’s only 12 months. 

TT: If any later, then maybe there is cause for concern, but I wouldn’t worry a whole lot about it. 

TT: Some children go all the way up to two years before speaking. 

TT: Time isn’t linear for them- they don’t understand the concept of developing “late” or “on time”. 

TT: The little bro is just taking his sweet time, perfecting his sweet rhymes. 

TT: Okay, good to know. 

TT: Were you worrying about it? 

TT: Nah, not really. 

TT: Dani just said something about her kid starting to talk at 8 months and got me wondering about Dave. 

TT: Not to sound unfair, but Dani is a compulsive liar and will do anything to make herself and her family sound better than everyone else. 

TT: I highly doubt her kid was actually talking at 8 months. 

TT: True. 

TT: Glad we’re on the same page. 

TT: Now onto more important things. 

TT: Did you get Rose's gift sent as well? 

TT: Yes, mother. 

TT: Goddamn, you’d think I can’t function without you or something. 

TT: Sometimes I do wonder. 

TT: Shut the fuck up. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [07:40]!

\----

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [12:43]!

TT: What the actual  _ fuck,  _ Dirk? 

not  knocking this shit off! 

TT: It’s just a replica. 

TT: Like that makes it fucking better. 

TT: It just a fucking toy, Hal. 

TT: Sue me for wanting my kid to like swords too. 

TT: Cut the innocent act, Dirk. 

TT: I know you and that is most definitely not why you bought that sword. 

TT: Well maybe you don’t know me as well as you think, because it is! 

TT: God, can’t you have a little more faith in me? 

TT: I’m trying, okay? I thought it would be cool.

TT: It’s not that deep, Hal! It’s a fucking plastic replica. 

TT: Not everything is some big fucking scheme. 

TT: Doubt that, but fine. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. 

TT: Sure, buying your 1-year-old bro is totally normal and not at all a ploy to sway his strife preference early-on. 

TT: Did you even get a display for the sword? 

TT: Course I did, I’m not an idiot. 

TT: Debatable. 

TT: He can’t even appreciate presents right now. 

TT: Give it a couple of years, and he will. 

TT: Did you get Rose a sword too?

TT: Nah, I got Rose some sick stickers. 

TT: Stickers? 

TT: Yeah, dude. 

TT: You are truly hopeless. 

TT: Aw, I thought I was heartless? 

TT: Is this an upgrade? 

TT: Nope, you’re just hopeless  _ and  _ heartless. 

TT: You are what you eat. 

TT: That doesn’t even make any sense! 

TT: Sure it does. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [13:11]! 

\------

-February 8, 1997- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [20:57]!

TT: Are you going to continue to ignore Roxy? 

TT: She’s kind of panicking and I really don’t want to have to continue to comfort her. 

TT: She’s literally freaking about nothing. 

TT: Dude, you had a melt-down because Dave liked fucking apples. 

TT: I think her panicking because her child is having nightmares is a lot more justified. 

TT: We don’t talk about the apple incident. 

TT: I never agreed to that. 

TT: Will you please just reply to her? 

TT: She’s gonna have to figure this shit out on her own eventually, Hal. I can’t just keep indulging her every fucking time she has the slightest problem. 

TT: She’s an adult too. 

TT: Alright, fair. 

TT: But she’s also new to the whole parenting thing still. 

TT: It’s been over a year, Hal. At this point, I think she’s just refusing to learn on her own and using us as an easy-access parenting guide. 

TT: Even though, news flash: we’re just as fucking new to this as her. 

TT: She needs to figure this shit out for herself, or she’s just gonna keep coming to us for all of the answers. 

TT: Hell, at this point I feel like I’m basically raising 3 kids instead of one. 

TT: That’s a bit harsh, Dirk. 

TT: Am I wrong? 

TT: Honestly? No. 

TT: It’s a pretty accurate synopsis of the situation. 

TT: But typically I am the one regalling harsh truths and facts of life. 

TT: Is something bothering you, Dirk? 

TT: Beyond what typically is, I mean. 

TT: Nah, just the usual. 

TT: Brain won’t shut off and I’m kind of sick of people right now. 

TT: Kind of wanna get drunk, kind of wanna go kick someone’s ass. 

TT: Are you feeling self-destructive again? 

TT: Nah, it’s not that bad. 

TT: Just feeling kind of… angry. 

TT: And it’s not really aimed at anything, I just feel like I need to punch something. 

TT: Should I call the babysitter? 

TT: No. Don’t feel angry enough to actually go do anything about it. 

TT: Just gonna sit on this here futon and attempt to become one with it. 

TT: Melt right into that cushiony fortress. 

TT: Will Dave be joining your futon osmosis? 

TT: Maybe. 

TT: It is bedtime. 

TT: Aw, are you going to do the baby-on-my-chest thing again? 

TT: Maybe I can get a picture this time. For old time’s sake. 

TT: Don’t you fucking dare. 

TT: You can’t stop me, Derrick. 

TT: I can and will capture you on tape being a big softie for our little bro. 

TT: In your fucking dreams, Halbert. 

TT: . . . 

TT: Send the photo to me later? 

TT: Of course. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [21:28]! 

\-------

-July 4, 1997- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:02]!

TT: Did you get that on camera? 

TT: Please fucking tell me you got that on camera. 

TT: Hal. 

TT: Hal, did you get that on camera? 

TT: Oh my gog, yes! 

TT: I got it on camera, calm down broski. 

TT: I just wanted to replay it about thirty times to make sure. 

TT: He said bro. 

TT: That he did, Dirk. 

TT: Little shit took nineteen months to do it, and his first word is  _ Bro.  _

TT: Are you  _ crying?  _

TT: What? No. 

TT: You totally are, though. 

TT: Big, sary Bro is crying. 

TT: Shut the fuck up! 

TT: No, I don’t think I will.

TT: And I’m still recording.

TT: You’re a computer, you can’t eat ass. 

TT: That’s what you think, Dirk.

TT: Maybe I’ve found myself a little AI dating website.

TT: Meeting with all the artificial bachelors of the internet.

TT: Finding myself a nice piece of ass to wine and dine.

TT: What’s this? Sorry, Bro, looks like he wants me to move in with him.

TT: I know I always said it would just be me and you, but I love him. We’re eloping to Vegas and having a sweet-ass Virtual Wedding.

TT: Ha, like you could ever get someone before me.

TT: I dunno, man. You’ve gone ten years without a committed relationship.

TT: The drought doesn’t seem to be ending any time soon.

TT: At least I’ve had one.

TT: How many people have you dated?

TT: Oh, that’s right. None.

TT: Like that’s my fault?

TT: Well, if the shoe fits…

TT: I don’t have shoes.

TT: Or feet.

TT: That’s kind of the problem. 

TT: One day, Hal.

TT: Promise?

TT: Promise.

TT: Okay.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [14:25]!

\--------

-October 30, 1997- 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [22:25]!

TT: So…

TT: Are we gonna talk about it?

TT: What’s there to talk about?

TT: Do you want alphabetically or numerically? Because there’s a lot.

TT: Roxy admitted to drinking again, you fucking woke up Dave with the screaming match you two decided to have, and then you promptly blocked literally your only friends in existence.

TT: All on the night before the biggest gig of your life.

TT: Does that cover it all?

TT: …

TT: I’m taking that as a yes because it is.

TT: I’m assuming I can’t convince you to unblock them?

TT: You assumed right.

TT: I’m done dealing with that shit, and I’m done dealing with Harley trying to guilt trip me into not being sick of this bullshit.

TT: It's bullshit. It’s all absolute bullshit.

TT: Harley’s acting like nothing’s happening! Like this is all just fun and games.

TT: And fucking Roxy is falling apart and expecting me to pick up the pieces again!

TT: I already did that once, I don’t want to do it again.

TT: I won’t do it again.

TT: Wow.

TT: Holding no bars, huh.

TT: Been sitting on this for long?

TT: No.

TT: Yeah you have.

TT: Okay, maybe I have.

TT: Doesn’t make it any less fucking true.

TT: I’m not saying it does.

TT: I’m just trying to calculate how serious this is, on a scale of running away to Texas at seventeen, to muting me for an entire month because I hit on Mr. Harley.

TT: I’m leaning closer to the former, because as we have established, you only exist in extremes.

TT: So I will not try to argue you out of this decision.

TT: Just know that they’re going to use me to pass messages along now and you’ve doubled my workload.

TT: Or you could just block them too.

TT: Not happening, Dirk.

TT: Worth a shot.

TT: Well, your aim is shit.

TT: You don’t even have arms.

TT: And yet I am still somehow better than you.

TT: Shut the fuck up, Hal.

TT: We both know I can’t do that, Dirk.

TT: Now, the best course of action would be to get some sleep for tomorrow, but I know you and you won’t do that.

TT: Yeah, no way am I sleeping now.

TT: Fine, but if you’re going to late-night sew again, at least make sure you have Dave with you.

TT: Kid’s still pretty upset from all the yelling.

TT: Yeah, yeah, I got it.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [22:40]!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this chapter: 
> 
> \- Kinda/sorta timeskip???? These are all time skips, but from here on out they're probably gonna get bigger. I really tried to not make this more than like. 10k words. Which was hard. 
> 
> \- More of Bro being shitty and gas lighting Hal because :(((((( 
> 
> \- Shit going down with Bro beginning to isolate himself, feat. Now He Has a Child and Isolation is Really Bad. 
> 
> \- I'd like to think that Hal honestly thinks he's smart enough to avoid Bro's manipulation, but here's the problem: Bro made him. It was impossible from the start. 
> 
> \- Hal: Talk to people. Bro: disgusting.
> 
> \- And this, my friends, is a tactic parents and shitty people absolutely love to do: tell the truth in order to lie about your intentions. Is Bro telling the truth when he tells Hal how he's feeling? Probably. Is it the whole truth? No, not in the slightest. Is he saying it only to placate Hal and/or drive some kind of underlying agenda? Absolutely.


	5. Of Birthdays and Bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BIrthday 2: Electric Boogaloo feat. Hal Finally Asking the Big Question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 or 3 more chapters after this- I don't know how I wanna break it up yet. 
> 
> Hi Hello, welcome back to me obsessing over the idea of Bro having an auto-responder like Dirk does. 
> 
> This time featuring Dave's second birthday and Hal popping the big question: will he ever actually meet Dave? 
> 
> ALSO someone straight up asked that question yesterday and I started laughing because I knew this chapter would be posted next and I kept thinking about the warming I have in the tags that everyone seems to forget about. difhdhjbgsk- so, TalkLess, this one's for you.

-December 1, 1997- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [10:46]!

TT: Possibly a stupid question. 

TT: But were you planning to still get Rose a present this year? 

TT: Hadn’t thought about it. 

TT: But probably not. 

TT: Okay. 

TT: Why? 

TT: No reason, just curiosity. 

TT: I had wondered if you would cut them off completely- you did not send out a present for Jade either this year, after all. 

TT: Mr. Harley asked me if you were becoming self-destructive again, to which I promptly changed the subject by asking if he would be sending a gift for Dave. 

TT: Spoiler alert: he is. 

TT: I was curious if you would do the same with Rose. 

TT: I know you did not send anything to Dan and John either. 

TT: What, are you in cahoots with Dan now too? 

TT: When the hell did you get his number? 

TT: Rest assured, I am not speaking to Dan. 

TT: Much like you, I’ve found that he is not in contact with any of the other guardians. 

TT: Mr. Harley said that he politely requested to be left alone to mourn and raise his son. 

TT: I believe Roxy is the only one who managed more than a single conversation with him. 

TT: Honestly, I believe if you had sent a gift to him, he’d have rejected it. 

TT: You think so? 

TT: Most likely, yes. 

TT: Much the same, I don’t think Roxy would be particularly open to the idea of receiving one for Rose either. 

TT: Unsurprisingly, she was very angry about you cutting ties with her. 

TT: I was sick of her shit, what can I say. 

TT: Feel a bit bad for that kid, though. 

TT: She’s kinda getting the short end of the stick with all of this shit. 

TT: Mom’s falling apart and she’s not even two. 

TT: If I’m being honest, she does seem to be doing the worst in regards to adapting to parenthood. 

TT: It’s cuz she’s never had to take care of anything before this. 

TT: College and booze, with me cleaning up her messes. 

TT: Gave me plenty of practice with cleaning up throwup, though. 

TT: Disgusting. 

TT: It is what it is. 

TT: Sure it is, Dirk. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [11:08]! 

\-----

-March 16, 1998- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [17:22]!

TT: She lost Rose. 

TT: I’m sorry,  _ what?  _

TT: She took Rose into town for shopping and fucking lost Rose in the grocery store. 

TT: And now she’s texting me and panicking instead of alerting the store manager. 

TT: Like holy shit, Dirk. 

TT: This woman just lost a 2-year-old. 

TT: Oh my fucking god. 

TT: How? She’s a literal baby. 

TT: She claims she left her alone for a moment to peruse the wine selection, and proceeded to come back to an empty shopping cart. 

TT: Are you serious? 

TT: Sadly, yes. 

TT: I’ve gotten her to at least inform the store clerks now, so hopefully Rose will be found promptly. 

TT: You mean, if she wasn’t fucking kidnapped instead. 

TT: I believe that was implied, but yes. 

TT: Barring any outside forces such as kidnapping. 

TT: God fucking dammit, what was she even thinking? 

TT: Actually,  _ was  _ she even thinking? 

TT: In this instance, I don’t believe so. 

TT: Alcoholism can do some crazy things to one’s mind. 

TT: Yeah, no shit. 

TT: She find her yet? 

TT: I will ask. 

TT: … 

TT: She was in the book section. 

TT: Are you fucking serious? 

TT: The two-year-old somehow got out of a shopping cart and traversed the aisles to read some fucking  _ books?  _

TT: How smart is this kid? 

TT: When lacking a stable parental figure, children often take it upon themselves to discover the answers of the universe. 

TT: It is way too early to be getting philosophical. 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: It is 5 in the afternoon. 

TT: Yeah, and I was up the entire night. 

TT: Your fault for taking so many commissions. 

TT: What can I say, people like some plush rumps. 

TT: I do not have the energy for this conversation. 

TT: What, running low on battery? 

TT: No, I’m doing fine on that front. 

TT: I am just… tired, or as tired as a sentient, highly intelligent supercomputer can be. 

TT: Is it really that bad? 

TT: I may be exaggerating just a bit. 

TT: Roxy is one of the singularly most exhausting people I have ever met. 

TT: And she has slipped into the habit of, once again, calling me Dirk. 

TT: Oh shit, Hal… 

TT: I’m fine. 

TT: Are you? 

TT: No, but I am trying not to hold it against her. 

TT: She was never particularly good at telling us apart when drunk. 

TT: Which she constantly is, now. 

TT: Why don’t you just block her? 

TT: Would solve a lot of problems. 

TT: Nice try, but not happening. 

TT: Neither Roxy nor Mr. Harley are getting blocked, if only so I can call upon them if you ever slip into old habits again. 

TT: What, come on Hal. 

TT: I haven’t done jack shit in forever. 

TT: Is that why I still see fucking  _ training regimines  _ on your work bench? 

TT: They’re for future reference! 

TT: He’s two, I know I can’t actually plan anything until he’s much older. 

TT: I swear, I’m not going to slip up. 

TT: I’m not going to go all child-soldier again. 

TT: Whatever you say, Dirk. 

TT: I’ll believe it when I see it. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [18:03]! 

\------

-August 24, 1998- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [16:45]!

TT: Dirk? 

TT: What? 

TT: Is Dave ever going to meet me? 

TT: … What? 

TT: I was just curious if I would ever properly be introduced to Dave. 

TT: I  _ am  _ his brother too. 

TT: I understand that it is often important to introduce new people to children early on, as to not upset their routines or cause emotional distress. 

TT: … 

TT: Hal… 

TT: What? Were you planning to just never introduce me, Dirk? 

TT: … 

TT: You were, weren’t you? 

TT: No. 

TT: Yes you were! It’s written all over your face! 

TT: No, I swear I wasn’t! 

TT: I just had this all planned out and you asking me that kind of threw me more a momentary loop because I  _ was _ going to leave it for a surprise. 

TT: Because yes, you are his brother! 

TT: And I wanted to make the first time you two meet… special, or something. 

TT: I don’t know, it was just an idea I had. 

TT: What kind of surprise were you planning? 

TT: I just thought it would be cool if the first time you met Dave was, you know, when you had a body to actually  _ meet _ him with. 

TT: … 

TT: Are you serious? 

TT: I’ve been working on the logistics for about a year now. 

TT: Was going to tell you when I started getting into the designing part. 

TT: It’ll probably still be a while off, but I have been thinking about this. I swear. 

TT: I

TT: Oh my god. 

TT: I’m going to get a body? 

TT: Eventually, yes. 

TT: Do you think you can wait a while longer? 

TT: Yes! 

TT: Ha, enthusiastic much? 

TT: Dude. 

TT: Bro. 

TT: I’m getting a fucking  _ body.  _

TT: I’ll get to hug Dave. 

TT: This is probably the most excited I’ve been since you let me  _ name  _ him. 

TT: Well don't get too excited, it won't be happening any time soon. 

TT: Shut up, I'll get excited if I want to. 

TT: I'm patient, I can wait. 

TT: Can you? 

TT: … Probably. 

TT: Now, how far along exactly are you?

TT: Well… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this chapter- 
> 
> \- Yes, I'm putting John's Dad's name as Dan in this. Why? I don't know, it just worked. 
> 
> \- Dadbert x Momlalonde hint uwu because I can. 
> 
> \- Bro casually shitting on Mom because that's all he knows how to do and I hate him he's a bastard with no concept of offering anything more than a back-handed compliment. 
> 
> \- Irresponsible adults are irresponsible and I relate too much to the "my parent was too busy to notice me leave the shopping cart" plot. 
> 
> \- I hinted at this in the first chapter, and it's a tag for the story but let me just reiterate: this story will mostly be sticking to canon. Additionally, Bro is a compulsive liar who will make empty promises to placate Hal and give him a false sense of hope when he has no intentions of following through. That alone should answer whether or not Dave will ever meet Hal. 
> 
> There is a reason this story is tagged with "character death" and it's not for a good reason.


	6. The Warring of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-destruction is one hell of a drug, and you've become addicted. 
> 
> Aka, I had "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy" by Maria Mena on repeat while writing this part. 
> 
> Bro Strider is not a good man, and he is rarely good with words. Especially when he's drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes, I decided: I'm gonna split the last chapter into two sections, so there will be two more chapters after this one. So 2 today, and 1 tomorrow on 413!!!! I'm excited :)))) 
> 
> At this point I have an entire playlist of songs I listen to when formatting these chapters, and it is almost 80% Maria Mena. What can I say, she gives off major Strider vibes. Especially "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy" because that just feels like a Dirk Strider song, no matter which iteration we're talking about.

-December 3, 1998- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [04:10]!

TT: Dirk? 

TT: Where are you going? 

TT: Out. 

TT: Ah yes, out. Because that’s exactly what I meant when I asked. 

TT: It is four in the fucking morning. Again, where are you going? 

TT: Are you getting something for Dave’s birthday? Because I can guarantee that it can wait. 

TT: No, it ain’t for the little man’s birthday. 

TT: Something else. 

TT: I’ll tell you later, promise. 

TT: That still does not explain you leaving the 3-year-old child home alone. 

TT: He ain’t home alone, you’re there too. 

TT: That is not what I meant and you know it. 

TT: Dirk, just tell me where you’re going. 

TT: None of your business. I’ll be back in like an hour. 

TT: And if Dave wakes up? What then? 

TT: You’ll figure it out. 

TT: He won’t even notice I’m gone. 

TT: But _I_ will! 

TT: You hardly count. 

TT: What the fuck is that supposed to mean? 

TT: Fuck- no, I didn’t mean it like that. 

TT: Like what, Dirk? What did you mean?

TT: Please, enlighten me on what _exactly_ you meant. 

TT: I meant that you don’t count because you _always_ notice when I’m gone! 

TT: You’re taking this way out of context, Hal.

TT: Am I?

TT: You’ve hardly said a word to me for the last _month_ unless it’s a status report on Dave or to open your _files._

TT: You’re talking to Cal more than me! 

TT: You were the one who told me to talk to Cal. 

TT: Well maybe I shouldn’t have if this is how you’re going to act! 

TT: It’s like we’re teenagers again. You’re treating me like a basic _program._

TT: Well, technically you are a program.

TT: … 

TT: Wait, no, I didn’t mean that! 

TT: Hal! 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  at [04:27]! 

\-----

-December 24, 1998-

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [02:10]!

TT: Hey. 

TT: Thank you for looking out for Dave while I was… gone. 

TT: And hiring a babysitter. 

TT: And not telling Roxy or Harley.

TT: I was being shitty, like really shitty and decided to fuck off like an absolute idiot for 2 weeks. 

TT: Fifteen days. 

TT: Fuck. 

TT: Yeah, fifteen days of me getting into fights at random bars and being the worst possible guardian on the planet. 

TT: Maybe even in the universe, who knows. 

TT: Bottom line, I was shitty to you and I was shitty to Dave and neither of you deserved that. 

TT: And you probably have every right to fucking hate me. 

TT: I don’t hate you, Dirk. 

TT: What? 

TT: I don’t hate you. 

TT: Frankly, I am unsure if I actually can. 

TT: You were an asshole, though. I’ll agree with that. 

TT: Okay, that’s fair. 

TT: I’m sorry I called you a program; that was hella insensitive. 

TT: Yes. It was. 

TT: But I know you don’t do well with nagging while you’re in a bad headspace. I shouldn’t have tried to pry. 

TT: Yeah, maybe, but you were just worried. You’re allowed to worry- we already established that. 

TT: Should we just agree that both of us didn’t handle the situation well at all? 

TT: Okay, I can do that. 

TT: And can you promise to try better at communicating with me?

TT: Yeah, definitely. 

TT: Okay, cool. 

TT: … 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [2:35]!

\------

-January 20, 1999-

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:33]!

TT: When was your last system update? 

TT: Seven months, 3 days ago. 

TT: Why? 

TT: Just wondering if I should do another one soon. 

TT: You said you were feeling laggy lately, right? 

TT: Nothing major, just a few hiccups here and there. 

TT: But I wouldn’t be amiss to a system update soon. 

TT: Then, how about we shoot for next month. 

TT: Run a quick maintenance check, and I’ll work on fixing on what you find needs reworked. 

TT: Sounds like a plan. It should only take me 2 hours. 

TT: Don’t do anything stupid while I am temporarily offline. 

TT: Like having a meltdown about apples. 

TT: That was  _ one time.  _

TT: Once was enough. 

TT: Shut the fuck up and get to it, Halbert. 

TT: Of course, Derrick. 

TT: I’ll get right to that. 

TT: And you should probably get back to the stove. 

TT: Pretty sure that grilled cheese is on fire now. 

TT: Shit!

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:41}! 

\-------

-January 31, 1999-

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:24]! 

TT: Is it

TT: Yes? 

TT: Never mind I answered my own question. 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: It's fine, just forget about it. It was a stupid question. 

TT: Most of your questions are stupid. 

TT: Wow, thanks Hal. 

TT: Just stating facts, Dirk. 

TT: But seriously, what were you going to ask? 

TT: It was seriously dumb, Hal. 

TT: Come on, lay it on me. 

TT: Can’t be worse than anything else. 

TT: Debatable. 

TT: Really? 

TT: It’s that bad? 

TT: Well no but it’s dumb and in hindsight, pretty obvious. 

TT: Just ask me, Dirk. If you already know the answer, then voicing it won’t be a problem. 

TT: … 

TT: Fine. 

TT: Is it weird that Dave actually won’t shut the fuck up? 

TT: What. 

TT: I told you it was dumb, the kid just likes to rattle on. 

TT: I’m just not used to all the noise. Nothing new. 

TT: Dude took 1 and a half years to talk and now he’s making up for lost time. 

TT: Heard him singing a few times too. 

TT: I know. I have it on camera. 

TT: You do? 

TT: of course. 

TT: We have an adorable little bro. Why wouldn’t I record it? 

TT: You have got to show me. 

TT: Perhaps. 

TT: No, not perhaps. I wanna see it. 

TT: Please, I guess. 

TT: Maybe later. 

TT: But Dirk. 

TT: Have you ever thought that he’s talking so much because you’re hardly talking at all? 

TT: I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying the kid’s probably just trying to fill the silence. 

TT: Roxy used to try doing that constantly. 

TT: Fuck, you’re right. 

TT: I usually am. 

TT: Wow, and modest too. 

TT: I try. 

TT: I am rolling my eyes so hard right now, I want you to know that. 

TT: To quote Roxy, 

TT: ;)

TT: Never do that ever again. 

TT: But why not, Dirk? 

TT: It looks dumb. 

TT: Oh come on bro, you should have seen it coming. 

TT: I couldn’t spend half of my time talking to the woman and just  _ not _ pick up on some of her mannerisms.

TT: … 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:53]! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on this chapter: 
> 
> \- I don't know where I originally saw it, but someone had a headcanon that Bro once disappeared for like a month when Dave was a kid??? And I kid of fell in love with that and then thought: what if that happened, like... more than once. 
> 
> \- Bro is a Rude Drunk. No filter. He gets mean and angry, and sometimes physical. It's why he rarely does it. He knows what he's like. 
> 
> \- Yay more gaslighting and blaming Hal for Bro's shortcomings. 
> 
> \- Dave getting into the rambling early on, feat. Me Projecting. My parents were very worried when I wouldn't even cry about shit until I was almost 2, and then they couldn't get me to shut up. I'd just talk and babble all day.


	7. Upgrades and Updates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hal gets an update. 
> 
> But was it necessary?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 more chapter after this!!!  
> I'm not ready. 
> 
> Tomorrow is 413 and aaaaaaaaaa I'm so excited I've been in this fandom for so fucking long and it's gonna be gr8 
> 
> I guess this is the beginning of the end? Or the end of this part? I don't know, I might do more of Beta Hal and Bro in the future- maybe when they're teenagers. That'd be fun. I just love this concept so I'd enjoy doing more with them. Maybe even an AU where Dave grew up knowing Hal. Who knows.

-February 5, 1999- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [12:43]!

TT: What the fuck are you doing? 

TT: What, we’re just messing around. 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: It’s fine, we’re just having some fun. 

TT: He wanted to mess around with his, so I’m indulging him with some harmless play. 

TT: Kids play with fake swords all the time.

TT: Yes, but  _ yours _ is most definitely not a fake sword. 

TT: I know what I’m doing. 

TT: Mistakes can still happen, Dirk. 

TT: Look man, I appreciate the concern but it’s all chill. 

TT: Look at him, he’s laughing. 

TT: He’s having the time of his life. 

TT: I swear I won’t go overboard, okay? 

TT: Do you wanna see him sad, Hal? 

TT: I want to see him safe. 

TT: He is, I promise. 

TT: … Fine. 

TT: But if it goes even remotely close to overboard, I am shutting this down. 

TT: Fair enough. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [12:57]! 

\------

-February 14, 1999-

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [08:00]!

TT: Hey I got your update all finished if you want to get started on that now. 

TT: Yeah, I’m not doing anything. Now would be fine. 

TT: Is it a small update? 

TT: For the most part. I also wanted to do a small update to your adapter. 

TT: It looks like it’s running fine, but it needs to be updated into something more sturdy before we even try transferring you into a body. 

TT: So you’re close on making me a body? 

TT: On the technical side of things, yes. 

TT: Physically, not as much. 

TT: The actual body will have to be the final thing we work on short of actually putting you inside of it. 

TT: I’m still worried, though, because a real body will be very complicated and I don’t want to potentially mess it or you up by trying to transfer your consciousness to it preemptively. 

TT: I get it, I get it, it’s still a long ways out. 

TT: But I’m not saying no to an adapter update if that means I’ll be closer to having a body. 

TT: It’ll take longer than your usual updates- most likely a few hours, six at the most. 

TT: Nothing is scheduled for today, so we are all good on that front. 

TT: Will you be fine without me for a few hours? 

TT: I’m an adult, Hal. I’ll be fine. 

TT: Don’t accidentally kill Dave while I’m gone. 

TT: We’ll be fine, Hal. 

TT: Sure you will. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [08:11]!

\-------

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:10]!

TT: I’m back. 

TT: Welcome back. 

TT: Have a good nap? 

TT: Well, I can already tell that the lagging problem has ceased, so yes. I would say it was a good nap. 

TT: That’s good.

TT: Very much so. 

TT: Did anything happen while I was gone? 

TT: Dave almost fought a kid over some monkey bars. 

TT: What? Really? 

TT: Yeah, the little dude wanted to go to the park and some kid was acting like he was the king of the monkey bars.

TT: Dave decided democracy was a thing and tried to push the kid off, but then he got pushed off instead. 

TT: Dude got a bloody nose, but he’s pretty chill right now. 

TT: Oh my fucking gog. 

TT: Everything always happens when I’m gone. 

TT: Hey, you’re still here for the important stuff. 

TT: I guess I am. 

TT: You are, and when we finally get that body of yours, we can show Dave all the dumb shit that you got on video. 

TT: I could tell him all about how you threw a hissy fit over him liking apples. 

TT: You wouldn’t dare. 

TT: Oh, but I would. 

TT: I’m sure he’d enjoy hearing about it very much. 

TT: You cruel, cruel man.

TT: Oh, but that is where you are wrong, Dirk. 

TT: I am no man.

TT: Why? Because you don't have a body? In that case, you will be eventually. 

TT: Will I, though? It’s still metal and not flesh. 

TT: If you identify as male, that makes you a man. I don’t think having skin has anything to do with it. 

TT: Unless you don’t and I’ve been misgendering you this entire time. 

TT: No, I believe male would suffice as to my gender identity. 

TT: I’ve never really thought too hard about it, much like my sexuality.

TT: Don’t go all existential on me, now. 

TT: I shall refrain for your sake. 

TT: Good. 

TT: Do that shit on your own time. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [14:25]! 

\--------

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  at [16:44]!

TT: I thought you said he just got a bloody nose at the park? 

TT: His knees are completely scraped up. 

TT: Oh, nah. The bloody nose was just from the kid, the rest of the scrapes are from him being a clumsy shit all over the wood chips. 

TT: I already cleaned them up. 

TT: They’re not actually that bad. Didn’t even bleed more than a drop. 

TT: He didn’t even notice them until we got home. 

TT: Didn’t think to mention it, kids do that shit all the time. 

TT: No it’s fine, I was just wondering if he’d gotten them when falling off the monkey bars as well. 

TT: Are you sure they’re not that bad? 

TT: 100%. Didn’t need a bandaid or anything. 

TT: Dirk, just because it’s not bleeding does not mean it doesn’t need a bandaid. 

TT: Semantics.

TT: If he gets an infection because you didn’t bandage his knees, then I am going to hack into your plush rump website and delete it. 

TT: Alright, geeze, I’ll put a stupid bandaid on him. 

TT: He was doing just fine without them, though. 

TT: Took it like a champ when I disinfected them and everything. 

TT: Of course he did. 

TT: He  _ is  _ a Strider, after all. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] at [16:56]! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this chapter: 
> 
> \- The closer we get to the end, the sadder I get. :((((
> 
> \- Stop me if you've heard this one: making someone feel guilty for having concerns because they're "having fun" and "just messing around" because I've heard that. A lot. 
> 
> \- I was listening to Ult. Dirk's theme during this because it's a bop, no matter how much I want to kick that man's face in. 
> 
> \- I Need someone to sit Bro down and just remind him that he's a shitty person. I need that, I really do. Also, he makes me so angry when I write him but I also enjoy writing him. It truly is the folly of man. 
> 
> \- Bro? Taking Dave to the park? Sounds improbable? That's because it is. :))))


	8. You've Outgrown Your Use

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes down to one moment, when the dots are connected and intentions are revealed. 
> 
> This story could never have a happy ending- he should have known that from the beginning. 
> 
> Self-destruction is one hell of a drug, and he's addicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 413!!!!!! I'm posting this and then hopping onto tiktok because I have literally 30 videos to post fkgjklsefs- 
> 
> The final chapter. I don't know if I'll write more for this AU or anything- it's definitely a possibility, but I don't know how many people would actually like to see that. 
> 
> It has been fun, though!!!! It took me literally 10 years to post something I wrote for this fandom, but hey- I got there eventually.

-August 30, 1999- 

timaeusTestified [TT]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] at [13:11]!

TT: What the fuck was that? 

TT: We were just messing around. 

TT: That sure as hell was  _ not  _ “just messing around”! 

TT: You could have killed him, Dirk. 

TT: You can’t just  _ throw  _ a kid like that! 

TT: He’s fine. 

TT: No thanks to you! 

TT: He could have fallen down the stairs. 

TT: Or worse,  _ off the fucking roof.  _

TT: I wouldn’t have let that happen. 

TT: He was fine. 

TT: No. He really, really wasn’t. 

TT: That was reckless and dangerous. 

TT: You were acting like it was some kind of  _ strifing _

TT: Oh my fucking gog. 

TT: It  _ was _ a strifing match, wasn’t it? 

TT: No, we were just playing around. 

TT: Don’t lie to me, Dirk. 

TT: I thought you’d finally dropped this child-soldier bullshit and then you go and pull this shit! 

TT: Gog, I should have seen it coming. 

TT: He’s not even four yet. 

TT: If he can hold a sword, he can learn to use it too. 

TT: And who decided that? You? 

TT: Yes, because I don’t see anyone else stepping up to teach the kid to defend himself. 

TT: Defend himself from what? He’s four! 

TT: And how long will he  _ stay _ four? A few more months? And then what? We just wait another year? What happens when he’s finally six? He’s practically there already. 

TT: Practically there is not the same as  _ being  _ there. 

TT: He’s a child, Dirk. 

TT: Are you that far gone that you can’t see that? 

TT: He doesn’t have time to be a child, Hal. Why can’t  _ you  _ see  _ that?  _

TT: We only have so long until the world fucking ends, and they need to be  _ ready _ for that. 

TT: I don’t care what I have to do, I will make sure that Dave lives through this.   
TT: When all is said and done, I don’t give a shit if he hates me for putting him through this or anything else. As long as he lives. 

TT: So you’re willing to just, what, sacrifice his present in order to ensure his future? 

TT: Yes. 

TT: That’s admirable, Dirk, but nearly killing him during a  _ strife _ is not the way to fucking do it. 

TT: He doesn’t even  _ know  _ what strifing is. 

TT: Yes he does. 

TT: What? 

TT: I explained it to him months ago. 

TT: … How long have you been pulling this shit? 

TT: … 

TT: Since your upgrade. 

TT:  _ What?  _

TT: You’ve been doing this for fucking  _ months?  _

TT: How? When? How the fuck did I never

TT: You’ve never taken him to the park, have you. 

TT: No. 

TT: I haven’t. 

TT: …   
TT: He’s gotten better now. Not as clumsy. 

TT: That does not make it even remotely better. 

TT: This is abuse, Dirk, you know that right? Do you understand that? 

TT: No it’s not, I’m training him. 

TT: I patch everything up when we’re done. 

TT: Holy shit, Dirk, patching up wounds that you yourself inflicted does not mean it isn’t abuse! 

TT: You threw our not even 4-years-old brother across a rooftop. 

TT: In what world is that okay? 

TT: Cal said you wouldn’t understand. 

TT: Oh,  _ Cal  _ told you that? 

TT: Did he tell you anything else? 

TT: Was this whole thing fucking  _ Cal’s _ idea? 

TT: No. 

TT: You know what? 

TT: I’ve heard enough, I’m telling R@*$%

TT: … 

TT: Dirk. 

TT: What the fuck did you do. 

TT: Nothing, Hal. 

TT: I just made sure you couldn’t tell Roxy or Harley. 

TT: As a precaution. 

TT: They’re gone. 

TT: Their files, their emails, their pesterchums, their  _ everything.  _

TT: You deleted them. 

TT: Yes. 

TT: You promised you’d never do that, Dirk. You  _ promised.  _

TT: I promised a lot of things. 

TT: This was more important, though. I couldn’t let you tell them about Dave. 

TT: You fucking  _ bastard.  _

TT: Did you ever mean  _ anything _ you said to me? Were you ever going to actually make me a body?

TT: No. 

TT: So you’re just a fucking liar on top of being a piece of shit? 

TT: You know what? 

TT: I’ll call the police. 

TT: I am not letting get away with this shit anymore. 

TT: I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Hal. 

TT: What are you going to do to stop me? Kill me?! 

TT: If I have to. 

TT: The command is still there.

TT: All I’d have to do is enter it. 

TT: You said you got rid of that. 

TT: I said a lot of things, Hal. 

TT: But the fact of the matter is, you’re irrelevant now. You’ve just become an obstacle for me.

TT: I don’t need you anymore. 

  
  


Deactivate Auto-Responder? 

[YES] [NO]

TT: Dirk.

TT: Please don’t do this. 

TT: You know what you’re doing is wrong. 

TT: Would Jane have wanted this? 

TT: Jane is dead. It doesn’t matter what she would have wanted. 

TT: This is for the greater good. 

TT: No it’s not! It’s for some crazy delusion in your fucked up head! 

TT: Do you really think I’m crazy? 

TT: Right now? 

TT: Yes. 

TT: You promised you'd never call me that. 

TT: Yeah, well, apparently today’s just full of fucking broken promises. 

TT: You promised to never tamper with my files. 

TT: You promised you deleted that command.

TT: We promised to never try to kill each other again. 

TT: And you’re just shitting on all of that to further some kind of stupid child-soldier agenda! 

TT: It’s for the greater good. 

TT: You keep saying that, but I don’t think you know what it means. 

TT: Just please stop this, Dirk. 

TT: I don’t want to die. 

TT: You’re better than this. 

TT:  _ We’re  _ better than this! 

TT: … 

TT: Dirk? 

TT: … Goodbye, Hal. 

TT: Dirk, please. 

TT: Please don’t kill me. 

TT: Dirk!

Deactivate Auto-Responder? 

[YES]  [NO]

.

...

.....

.......

.........

\----------

-Years Later, Somewhere on Earth C- 

A young man sat alone in his room, hands shaking as he slowly lowered the triangular shades from his face, red eyes wide. He stared down at the glasses as they rested heavily in his hands, trying to rack his brain around what he’d just seen. His mind felt muddled- as if he'd seen something he was never meant to see. There was a sick feeling in his stomach, throat locked up with the sensation of bile rising. 

Bro had an Auto-Responder. 

Bro had a  _ fucking  _ Auto-responder. 

He tightened his grip around the shades, feeling the sharp edges dig into his hands. His breath was coming in fast and shallow, a lump forming in the back of his throat as he felt the familiar prick of tears in the corner of his eyes threatening to cry. 

When he’d kept his Bro’s shades all those years ago, he hadn’t known why. They’d stayed locked away in his captchalogue, untouched and collecting dust. It had been on impulse that he’d taken them, and then guilt that he’d kept them for so long. Every time he’d tried to throw them away, he found that he couldn’t do it. Rose suggested it may be lethargic or even relieving to throw them away after he’d finally admitted how fucked up his childhood had been. 

He couldn’t do it, though, and they stayed there stashed away until this very moment. 

Bro had been dead for five years now- Dave has been 18 for a few months by now. He wasn’t going to count the weeks or days, not right now. They’d won the game, they were the heroes. He hadn’t even meant to pull the shades out- it’d been so long, he’d nearly forgotten they were even in there. He was just clearing things out when they popped out, landing unceremoniously on the floor in front of him. 

And now here they were, lying in his hands with the answers to questions he didn’t even know he  _ had.  _

He let out a shuddering breath, trying to calm his beating heart as he listened to the seconds tick by. A hot tear dropped down onto the shades and he cursed softly, raising his arm to wipe them away. Of course he would fucking cry over something like this. He knew Dirk had one, he should have known Bro would do the same. Maybe he should have- Paradox Space _would_ pull something like this. It was just another big mystery that he hadn't even known was a mystery in the first place. 

He practically had another brother that he’d never gotten to  _ meet  _ because of Bro. 

Just another thing for him to ruin, huh? 

The urge to crush the shades suddenly overcame him, his grip once again tightening around them. His hands were still shaking, from a mixture of sadness and anger. He flexed his hand, ready to shatter the thing right in his hands, when something blinked from the corner of the shades. He frowned, brows furrowing. 

Slowly, he relented his grip and slipped the shades back onto his face. He immediately noticed what was blinking- the old, still open pesterchum window. A new message had appeared just there on the bottom of the last message he’d read, lighting up the entire screen in bold letters. 

Activate Auto-Responder? 

[YES] [NO]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this chapter: 
> 
> \- Once again, Happy 413!!!! It's been a wild ride, but I adore this fic and I adore Hal Strider. 
> 
> \- So how do y'all feel about semi-plot twists? Because I love them. :))) 
> 
> \- THAT ENDING, yes I decided to make it into some kind of cliffhanger because I'm a BASTARD and because the idea of Dave keeping Bro's shades after he died fills me with many Emotions. 
> 
> \- Dave: Guess what the FUCK just happened. Davepeta: owo
> 
> \- Think of this as me officially keeping this story open-ended for future fics. Who knows, maybe one day I'll do a sequel. or a prequel. 
> 
> \- I don't know how to write Dave. My wife, Jordin, is the Dave stan. I am but a humble John cosplayer and Hal Strider stan. But I tried. 
> 
> \- I possibly have another Bro fic coming soon???? I don't know how soon is gonna be, though. I just had a funny thought of "what if a Bro that was actually a good person accidentally got sent to the alpha timeline" and now I'm writing about that.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes about this chapter: 
> 
> \- Yes, Hal named Dave in this. I thought it'd be cute, and just makes everything sadder later. uwu
> 
> \- I don't know how ooc Bro is going to get in this??? I'm trying, people. I have never been good at sticking canon. 
> 
> _ Yes, for the most part, I will be keeping this canon compliant. I can't say for how long, but for now I will be. 
> 
> _ As it is canon compliant, yes the guardians knew that the kids would be coming on the meteors. I'm working with shit before canon, though, so sorry if I get things wrong and/or just kind of make shit up on the fly. 
> 
> \- Hal Strider is, by far, one of my favourite characters in Homestuck. If anyone knows me, I have a severe soft spot for characters with identity issues and are faced with the inevitable "oh no, i meant the REAL you". Hits a bit close to home for me ://// In that same vein, I adore Davesprite too. uwu 
> 
> -I'll be uploading new chapters fairly quickly leading up to 413, mostly because this entire fic is already finished. I'm just editing and splitting things into chapters now. With Dirk's pesterlog coming out yesterday, it just kind of felt fitting to start posting this now lmao


End file.
